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II. Unlike the understanding discussed until now, the preferred understanding of the Minhag of breaking a glass at weddings among the Acharonim – and indeed, the one most recognized among the general public today – is that this custom is a demonstration commemorating the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash and Yerushalayim. Surprisingly, this understanding does not appear at all among the literature of the early Rishonim, only appearing for the first time in the Kol Bo and later in the Orchot Chayim, both attributed to Rav Aharon b. Yaakov ha-Kohen of Narbonne. For example, the language of the Kol Bo is as follows: “Tzarich Adam Lezkor BeChol Simchotav Aveilut Yerushalayim SheNe’emar: 

“Im Eshkacheich Yerushalayim Vechu’ Al Rosh Simchati.” Ve’Amru Zal, Zeh Aifer Makalah She’Al Roshei Chatanim SheNotnin BeMkom Hanachat Tefillin, SheNe’emar: “LeShum Le’Aveilei Tzi’on Pe’eir Tachat Eifer,” UTefillin Nikri’u Pe’eir SheNe’emar: “Pe’eircha Chavosh Alecha,” VeHevtiach HaKadosh Baruch Hu SheYashiv Lanu Pe’eir Tachat Ha’Eifer SheHayu Notnin BeRosh BeZman Churbanah… VeNahagu La’asot Zichron Achar BeMkomo SheNotnin Mapah Shechorah Al Rosh HaChatan VeHaKalah Ve’Al Zeh Poshat HaMinhag Leshabeir HaKos Achar Sheva Brachos… VeChein HaBoneh Bayit VeSad Oto BaSid, Meshayeir Bah Amah Al Amah KiNeged HaPetach Kedei SheYizkor HaChurban BeVo’o UVeTzeito…,” “A person must remember the mourning over Jerusalem at all of his joyous occasions, as it is said, “if I forget thee, O Jerusalem… at the heights of my joy.” And our Sages of blessed memory interpreted, this is fulfilled through ashes upon the head of bridegrooms which we put upon the place where the tefillin are worn, as it is said, “To place for the mourners of Zion an adornment in place of ashes,” and tefillin are called an adornment, as it is said, “Your adornment worn upon you,” [meaning that] the Holy One Blessed Be He promised that He would return for us an adornment in place of the ashes which were put upon the head in the time of the Temple’s destruction… And [others] are accustomed to make a different commemoration in the alternative, which is that they place a black cloth upon the head of the groom and bride. And thus has the custom spread to break a cup after the recitation of the seven blessings… and similarly one who builds a house and plasters it with plaster customarily leaves an square amah’s space unplastered opposite the entrance so that he should recall the destruction of the Temple whenever he comes or leaves” (Kol Bo 62).

At first glance, the approach of the Kol Bo and Orchot Chayim seems intuitive and appealing – yet, in light of the background and context surveyed above, it turns out not to be the most straightforward understanding of our issue. In addition, although it is possible in theory to understand the nature of the Minhag of breaking a glass at weddings in a manner related to the Inyan of recalling the Churban HaBayit, it is difficult to explain why the Gemara mentions the origin of this custom only in the context of the Sugya in Perek Heh of Masechet Berachot rather than in context of the Sugyah at the end of the third Perek of Masechet Bava Batra juxtaposed to discussion of the Minhag to place ashes upon the head of a groom, the Minhag to leave an unplastered space opposite the entrance when building a house, and various other Minhagim of Aveilut practiced in order to commemorate the Churban (Bava Batra:60b). 

Subsequent to its original appearance in the Kol Bo and Orchot Chayim, it seems that this understanding of the Minhag of breaking a glass at weddings is expressed next earliest in the Beit Yoseif, in the writings of the Rama, and in the Levush. As noted above, the Minhag of breaking a glass at weddings does not appear at all in the Tur, but in relating to the Tur’s Hilchot Tish’a Be’Av UShe’ar Ta’aniyot, the Mechaber in the Beit Yosef mentions it through quotation of the language of the Kol Bo: 

“VeKatav Rabbeinu BeTur Even Ha’Ezer Siman 65: ‘VeChein Nohagim Be’Ashkenaz BeSha’at Berachah Notnin LeChatan Eifer BeRosho BeMako HaTefillin. UVeSefarad, Nohagin Litein BeRosho Atarah Asuyah Mei’Aleih Zayit, Lefi SheHaZayit Mar Zeicher La’Aveilut Yerushalayim VeNahara Nahara UPeshateih,’ Ad Kan Leshono. VeKatav HaKol Bo: ‘Yeish Makom SheNimne’u SheLo Lateit Eifer Makalah BeRashei Chatanim MiPnei She’Ein Ha’Am Muchzakim Klal BeHanachat Tefillin VeLo Yihyeh LaHem Ha’Eifer Tachat Pe’eir VeYachoshu Gam Kein Shema Lo Yihyeh Gam Kein Pe’eir Tachat Eifer. VeNahagu La’asot Zichron Acheir BeMkomo SheNotnin Mapah Shechorah Al Rosh HaChatan VeHaKalah. Ve’Al Zeh Pashat HaMinhag Leshabeir HaKos Achar Sheva Brachot,’ Ad Kan,” “And our master wrote in Tur Even Ha-Ezer, Chapter 65: “And thus is practiced in Germany: at the time of the blessings, they place ashes on the head of the groom in the place of the tefillin. And in Spain, they are accustomed to place on his head a crown made of an olive branch, since the olive is bitter in commemoration of the mourning for Jerusalem. And each is proper according to its tradition.” And the Kol Bo writes: “There are places which refrain from putting ashes on the heads of grooms because the people are not strong in the practice of putting on tefillin, such that the ashes will not be in the place of their tefillin, lest they be concerned that perhaps too God’s promise to place an adornment instead of ashes will also not be fulfilled. And they are accustomed to make a different commemoration in the alternative, which is that they place a black cloth upon the head of the groom and bride. And thus has the custom spread to break a cup after the recitation of the seven blessings” (Beit Yosef, Orach Chayim, Siman 560). 

The Rama ad loc. in his Peirush the Darchei Moshe  relates to this comment of the Beit Yosef, writing as follows: 

“UVi’arnu, Nahagu BeShteihen: Notnin Eifer Al Rosh HaChatan, VeGam HaChatan Meshabeir HaKos SheMevarchin Alav Birchot Eirusin. VeLachein, Nahagu Levareich Birchot Eirusin Al Kos Shel Cheres,” “And in our city, they are accustomed to practice both of these: they place ashes on the groom's head, and the groom also breaks the cup over which the erusin blessings were made. And because of this, they are accustomed to make the the erusin blessings over an earthenware cup” (Darchei Moshe HaKatzeir, Sham, Ot Bet).

In apparent accordance with his general approach of establishing his own Pesak Halachah through balancing “the Shitot  of the Rif, Rambam and Rosh, the Mechabeir makes no mention in the Shulchan Aruch of the Minhag of breaking a glass at a wedding. Even so, it is relevant to note that in Hilchot Tish’a Be’Av UShe’ar Ta’aniyot, in context of his mention of Minhagim practiced in commemoration of the Churban Beit HaMikdash, the Mechabeir paskens in accordance with the teaching of Rabi Yochanan BeShem Rabi Shim’on Bar Yochai that “Asur Le’Adam SheYimalei Schok Piv Ba’Olam HaZeh,” “it is forbidden for a person to allow his mouth to fill with laughter in this world,” thereby demonstrating that he understands our Sugyah in the fifth Perek of Masechet Berachot in terms of Aveilut over the Churban. In any case, the Rama in his work the Mapah –   specifically in context of his comments in Hilchot Tish’a Be’Av UShe’ar Ta’aniyot of the Shulchan Aruch – mentions the Minhag of breaking a glass at a wedding and paskens in accordance with it. From the full Nusach of this Se’if in the Shulchan Aruch together with the Hei’Arot of the Mapah, it is implicit that the Rama understands that the nature of this Minhag is demonstration of Aveilut over the Churban: 

“VeChein Hetkinu SheHa’Oreich Shulchan La’asot Se’udah La’Orchim, Mechaseir Mimenu Me’at UMeini’ach Makom Panui BeLo Ke’arah Min HaKe’arot HaRe’uyot Lateit Sham. UKeSheHa’Ishah Oseh Tachshitei HaKesef VeHaZahav, MeShayrah Min MiMinei HaTachshit SheNoheget BaHem, Kedei SheLo Yihyeh Tachshit Shaleim. UKeSheHaChatan Nosei Ishah, Lokei’ach Eifer Makalah VeNotein BeRosho BeMakom Hanachat Tefillin. Hagah: VeYesh Mekomot SheNahagu LeShabeir Kos BeSha’at CHupah, O Lasum Mapah Shechorah O She’ar Divrei Aveilut BeRosh HaChatan. VeChol Eileh HaDevarim Kedei Lezkor Et Yerushalayim, SheNe’emar: ‘Im Eshkacheich Yerushalayim VeGomeir, Im Lo A’aleh Et Yerushalayim Al Rosh Simchati,’” “They also established that one who arranges a table to make a feast for guests ought to leave out something small and leave an open place without putting an appropriate dish there. And when the woman adorns herself in silver and gold jewelry, she ought to leave out one of the items she is accustomed to wear, so that her adornment should not be complete. And when a groom marries his wife, he takes ashes and places them on his head in the place where tefillin is worn. Comment: And there are places where they are accustomed to break a cup during the ḥuppah service, or to put a black cloth or some other item of mourning upon the head of the groom. And all of these things are so as to recall Jerusalem, as it is said, “if I forget thee, O Jerusalem… if I do not raise thee, O Jerusalem, above the height of my joy” (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim, Hilchot Tish’a Be’Av UShe’ar Ta’aniyot 560:2). 

In a similar fashion, the Levush also mentions the Minhag of breaking the vessel at the wedding among many other customs that are practiced in commemoration of the Churban Beit HaMikdash, from which it is apparent that the nature of this Minhag is an expression of mourning: 

“MiSheCharav HaBayit Tiknu Chachamim Zal SheBeChol Davar SheYeish Bo Simchah Yihyeh Bah Zeicher LeChurban HaBayit, Ve’Asmechuha AKra DeChtiv ‘Im EShkacheich Yerushalayim TiShkach Yemini TiDbak Leshoni LeChiki Im Lo EZkireiti Im Lo A’Aleh Et Yerushalayim Al Rosh Simchati’ VeGomer. Al Kein Amru Lo Yesayeid Adam Kol Beito BaSid Ela Sad Adam Et Beito BaSid UMani’ach Bo Amah Al Amah BeLo Sid… VeChein Hitkinu KeSheYa’aseh Adam Se’udah La’Orchim Lo Ya’aseh Kulah KaMishpatah… VeChein Hitkinu KeSheTa’aseh Ishah Tachshitehah Meshayeret Min MiMinei HaTachshitin SheNoheget Bahen… UKeSheHaChatan Nosei Ishah, Tiknu LeHani’ach Lo Be’Eit Simchato Eifer BeRosho BeMakom Hanachat Tefillin… UMiTa’am Zeh, Nihagin Gam Kein LeShabeir Et HaKos Tachat HaChupah, Lehavhil Lema’eit Simchah,” “Since the destruction of the Temple, the Sages of blessed memory established that there should be a reminder of the destruction of the Temple in everything which has some element of joy, and they linked it to the verse, as it is written: “If I forget thee O Jerusalem, may my right hand lose its strength… if I do not raise thee, O Jerusalem, above the height of my joy,” etc. Therefore, they said, let no person plaster his entire house, but when he plasters his house, let him instead leave a square amah’s space unplastered ... And they also established that when a person makes a feast for guests, he should not prepare it in its entirety as it ought to be done... And so too, when the woman adorns herself in jewelry, she ought to leave out one of the items she is accustomed to wear… And when a groom marries his wife, they established that during his celebration, ashes should be placed for him on his head in the place where tefillin is worn... And for this reason, it is also customary to break the cup under the Chuppah, to cause a shock so as to lessen the joy (Levush, Orach Chayim, 560:1).

In this manner as well, some of the Gedolei HaPoskim of more recent generations have also accepted this Shitah in relating to this Minhag. For example, the Seifer Sha’arei Teshuvah of Rav Chayim Margaliyot explains that the purpose of the Minhag of breaking a vessel at a wedding is “Kedei Lehavhil ULezkor She’Ein HaSimchah BeMlo’ah BeZman HaZeh”, "to startle and recall that there is no complete joy in its this time [without the Temple]” (Sha’arei Teshuvah, 560:3). Likewise, the Aruch HaShulchan of Rav Yechiel Michel Epstein formulates a similar understanding in even clearer terms:

“UKeSheHaChatan Nosei Ishah, Lokei’ach Eifer Pashut VeNotein BeRosho BeMakom Hanachat Tefillin. Ve’Etzleinu HaMinhag BeMkom Eifer Makalah Leshabeir HaKos BeSha’at HaChupah, O Lasum Mapah Shechorah O She’ar Divrei Aveilut BeRosh HaChatan. VeChol Eilu HaDevarim Kedei Lezkor Et Yerushalayim, SheNe’emar ‘Im Eshkacheich Yerushalayim VeGomeir, Im Lo A’aleh Et Yerushalayim Al Rosh Simchati.’ VeDa DeTa’anugim Lo Ne’esru, Rak Ta’anug SheYesh Bo Simchah, VeTzarich La’asot Heker LeHaSimchah,” “And when the groom marries his wife, he takes simple ashes and places them upon his head in the place in which tefillin is worn. And for us, the custom instead of placing ash is to break the glass during the ḥuppah, or else to place a black cloth or some other item of mourning upon the groom's head. And all of these things are to remember Jerusalem, as it is said, “If I forget thee O Jerusalem… if I do not raise thee, O Jerusalem, above the height of my joy.” And know that not all pleasures have been forbidden [on this account], rather, only those pleasures which involve joy, such that one needs to make a demarcation to the joy” (Aruch HaShulchan, Orach Chaim, 560:6).

It appears, overall, that the Shitah  of the Kol Bo and the Orchot Chayim has had a broad influence on the Piskei Halachah of the Acharonim with respect to this matter. Even though the Pashtut of the Sugyah in Masechet Berachot, as well as the dominant understanding of the Rishonim, is that the practice of breaking a glass at a wedding is part and parcel of a general Inyan of moderating Simchah having nothing per se to do with Aveilut over the Churban HaBayit, it nonetheless turns out that most of the Gedolei HaPoskim from the Kol Bo onwards classify and mention this Minhag in a manner demonstrating that they understand that it essentially as a practice of Aveilut over the Churban.

There seem to be several Nafka Minah between the two basic understandings discussed thus far — namely, the approach that the Minhag of breaking a glass at a wedding is a demonstration of the importance of moderation of joy on the one hand, and the approach that this Minhag is a demonstration of Aveilut for the Churban on the other. First, one Nafka Minah would emerge as to whether this Minhag would have been relevant before the Churban HaBayit or not. Generally speaking (and ignoring for a moment our proposed Diyuk in the Shitah of the Me’iri), it makes sense according to those who understand this Minhag as an expression of Hitmatnut HaSimchah  that it may have been practiced even during the time that the prior Batei HaMikdash stood, whereas this would clearly not have been the case according to those who understand this Minhag as the practice of Aveilut over the Churban. As mentioned previously, this former understanding is made explicit by the formulation of the Talmidei Rabbeinu Yonah, who explain that the Inyan of moderating Simchah stands independent of the occurrence of the Churban: “Ela Afilu BeZman Beit HaMikdash Amar She’Asur LeMlot Schok Piv Ba’Olam HaZeh BeShum Inyan,” “Rather, even during the time of the Temple did [Rabbi Shimon bar Yoḥai] say that it is forbidden to fill one’s mouth with laughter in this world (Masechet Berachot Dapei HaRif, 21a-b s.v. Asur Le’Adam Vechu’). Second, another Nafka Minah would emerge with respect to specifically when during the course of a wedding it is most appropriate to perform the breaking of the glass. If we understand that this Minhag is a essentially a demonstration of Aveilut over the Churban, it would make sense that we ought to break the glass under the Chupah juxtaposed to our placing of ashes on the Chatan’s head and recitation of the Pasuk, "Im Eshkacheich Yerushalayim". However, if we understand that this Minhag is essentially a demonstration of Hitmatnut HaSimchah , then it might be more appropriate that we break the glass in the context of the wedding feast or the dancing. Indeed, we will find this latter approach presented in the Sefer Rov Dagan of the Mahari Atiyah:

“Ve’Eich SheYihyeh Lefi Divrei HaTosafot Halalu DeYalfei LeMinhagan Shel Yisrael MeiHai Sugya Mashma Lech’orah De’Ikar Shevirat HaKos Hu Ba’Eit HaSe’udah SheYesh Achilah UShtiyah VeShayich Bedichut Tuva… Ve’Im Kein, Lech’orah Yesh Letmo’ah Al HaMinhag DeHa’idna SheNohagim Leshabeir KeSheYavo HaChatan LeKadeish HaKalah…,” “And from the fact that according to Tosafot who derive the Jewish custom from this Talmudic section, it is seemingly implied that the primary fulfillment of the custom to break the glass is at the time of the wedding feast, at which eating and drinking occurs and excessive joking is liable to occur... And if so, we seemingly ought to be puzzled by the contemporary custom according to which we are accustomed to break the glass when the groom approaches to betroth the bride…” (Rov Dagan, Ot LeTovah, Siman 30).

Third, it is possible to suggest that yet another Nafka Minah would emerge regarding the appropriateness of performing this Minhag at other celebratory contexts in addition to just weddings. According to those who understand this custom as a Nihug Aveilut Al HaChurban, it makes the most sense to suggest that its fulfillment is most relevant at weddings in particular, seeing as weddings are both the clearest manifestation of Rosh Simchateinu and the context at which many of the various other commemorations of the Churban Beit HaMikdash are made, linking our hope for the rebuilding of the Beit HaShem with the establishment of every new Bayit Ne’eman BeYisrael. In contrast, according to those who understand that the Minhag of breaking the glass is a demonstration of Hitmatnut HaSimchah, it makes sense that the practice of this Minhag ought to be relevant at any celebration and in any context of festive joy. Indeed, this latter application is clearly implied by the Lashon of the Me’iri mentioned above, that “BeChol Simchah SheBnei Adam Smeichim Le’Eizo Dvar Simchah,” “at any celebration that people celebrate in honor of any matter of joy,” it is appropriate “SheLo Lehishtakei’a Bah VeSheLo Leharbot Bah Yoteir MiDai,” “that they not become engrossed in it and engage in it too much” – and if people do indulge too heavily in the joy of the celebration, he writes, it is appropriate for others present to perform a sobering demonstration such as “Shevirat Keilim Na’im, VeKaYotzei BaHem MiDvarim HaMa’atzivim,” “the breaking of fine vessels and things of the like which bring about sobriety” (Beit HaBechirah LaMe’iri Berachot 30b).