2021/5781

This piece is an expansion of a Dvar Torah Yaakov delivered at his wedding be”H on Erev Rosh Chodesh Nissan 2017/5777.

The Source of the Minhag and Its Understanding as an Expression of Temperance

The earliest source of the custom to break a glass at wedding appears in the fifth Perek of the Gemara Masechet Brachot in context of a Sugya which appears to have nothing to do with commemoration of the Churban Beit HaMikdash. The Gemara there deals with interpretation of the challenging Pasuk “Ivdu Et Hashem BeYir’ah VeGilu BeR’adah,” “Serve Hashem with awe and rejoice with trembling” (Tehillim 2:11). In context of this discussion, the Gemara establishes a general principle concerning maintenance of appropriate conduct during demonstration of joy: “Mai ‘VeGilu BeR’adah?’ Amar Rav Ada Bar Matna Amar Rabah: ‘BeMakom Gilah, Sham Tehei Re’adah,’” ''What does the verse mean when it says, “And rejoice with trembling?” R. Ada b. Matna said in the name of Rabba: Wherever there is joy, there [also] ought to be trembling” (Berachot 30b).

In continuation, the גמרא brings several supporting examples of contexts in which this principle is expressed in practical terms. Among them appear the following two anecdotes: “Mar Brei DeRavina Avad Halula LeVrei, Chazanhu LeRabanan DeHavu KaBedachi Tuva; Aiti Casa DeMukra Bat Arba Mei’ah Zuzei VeTavar Kamaihu, Ve’A’Atzivu,” “Mar Brei de-Ravina made a wedding celebration for his son, [during which] he saw that the rabbis were jesting too much; he brought forth an expensive goblet worth four hundred zuz and broke it before them, and they were saddened” (ibid). The same story is then given with Rav Ashi.

In light of these anecdotes, the Gemara quotes a related cautionary teaching from Rabi Yochanan in the name of Rabi Shimon Bar Yochai expounding upon a different verse in Tehillim, 126:2: “Amar Rabi Yochanan MiShum Rabi Shim’on Ben Yochai: Assur Le’Adam SheYeMalei Schok Piv Ba’Olam HaZeh SheYemalei Schok Piv Ba’Olam HaZeh, SheNe’emar: ‘Az Yemalei Schok Pinu ULshoneinu Rinah,’ Eimatai – BeZman SheYomru BaGoyim ‘Higdil Hashem La’asot Im Eileh’. Amru Alav Al Reish Lakish, SheMiYamav Lo Malei Schok Piv Ba’Olam HaZeh MiChi Sham’ah MeiRabi Yochanan Rabei,” “Rabi Yochanan said in the name of Rabi Shimon bar Yochai: It is forbidden for a man to allow his mouth to be filled with laughter in this world, as it says, “Then shall our mouths be filled with laughter and our tongues with joy” – when shall this occur? At the time when it is said among the nations, “Hashem has done mightily with these.” They said about Reish Lakish that all of his days, his mouth did not fill with laughter in this world once he learned from Rabi Yochanan his teacher” (Berachot 31a).

Relating to this section of the Gemara’s discourse, and specifically to the anecdote concerning Rav Ashi, Tosafot comment concisely and straightforwardly: “MiKan Nahagu Leshabeir Zechuchit BeNisu’in,” “From here emerged the practice to break a glass at weddings.” (Tosafat ibid, S.V. Aiti Casa DeZugeita Chivarta). The Ra’avyah in his work Avi Ezri also relates similarly to this Gemara, writing that “Nohagim Leshabeir Zechuchit BeBeit HaChatunah KeDeRav Ashi DeTavar Casa DeZugeita Chivarta,” “Our custom is to break a glass in the wedding hall in accordance with Rav Ashi, who broke a goblet of white glass” (Chelek 1, Masechet Berachot: Siman 91). It seems, then, that this Gemara and the interpretations of the Ba’alei HaTosafot upon it are the original sources for this custom.

While Tosafot are inconclusive as to the symbolic nature of this Minhag , it may be inferred from the wording of the Gemara itself that this custom relates somehow to the notion of moderation of joy expressed by the Derashah of Raba, “BeMakom Gilah Sham Tehei Re’adah,” “Wherever there is joy, there also ought to be trembling,” and seemingly also by the Derashah of Rabi Shim’on Bar Yochai, “Assur Le’Adam SheYemalei Schok Piv Ba’Olam HaZeh,” “It is forbidden for a man to allow his mouth to be filled with laughter in this world”. Although, as we will see, a Machloket ultimately exists concerning the nature of the custom to break a glass at a wedding, it is nonetheless apparent from virtually all of the Rishonim that the concept of moderation of joy dealt with in this Sugya is rooted in concern for guarding against loss of self-control which could lead one to commit Aveirot. For example, Rashi on the Gemara explains simply that unbridled joy leads to “Perikat Ol,” “casting off the yolk [of Heaven]” (Berachot 31b S.V. DeHava Ka Badach Tuva); the Talmidei Rabbeinu Yonah explain that “Ta’am HaDavar Kedei SheLo Yimaseich Mitoch HaSimcha LeTa’anugei Ha’Olam VeYishkach Inyanei HaBorei,” “the purpose of this custom is that one should not be drawn by his joy to engage in the pleasures of the world and forget the concerns of the Creator” (Berachot 21:1 Dapei HaRif S.V. VeGilu BeR’adah BeMakom Gilah Sham Tehei Re’adah); the Re’ah, in his Peirush to the Rif, Pekudat HaLevi’im emphasizes that “Rov HaSchok Magbir Yeitzer HaRa VeRa’ui Lo Le’Adam SheLo Yimasheich Acharav,” “excessive laughter emboldens the evil instinct, and it is thus appropriate for a person not to be drawn after it”(Pekudat HeLevi’im, Berachot:31b); and the מאירי in his Seifer Beit HaBechirah similarly explains this Minhag by remarking that “Shema Mitoch Rov HaSimchah Hu Ba Lidei Kalut Rosh,” “lest one be drawn to levity through excessive joy” (Beit HaBechirah, Berachot 31b). Given this, the more seriously we take the significance of the context of this Mekor, the more we can say that the custom of breaking a glass at a wedding is rooted in the general principle of behaving carefully with respect to the Yeitzer Hara in connection with occasions and circumstances of great joy.

This approach not only appears to be implicit in the Pshat of our Gemara, but is even more strongly implied by the Leshonot of some of the Rishonim. For example, it seems that the Girsa of the Piskei HaRid —itself an extension of the Girsa of the Rif— explicitly links one of the Gemara’s anecdotes of Amora’im breaking a glass at their son’s wedding to the subsequent Derashah of Rabi Shim’on Bar Yochai regarding the importance of moderating joy : “Mai ‘VeGilu BeR’adah’?... VeKol Kach Lamah? DeAmar Rav Yochanan MiShum Rabi Shim’on Ben Yochai: Assur Lo Le’Adam SheYimalei Schok Piv…” “What does the verse mean when it says, “And rejoice with trembling?” And why did he do this? Because Rabi Yoḥanan said in the name of Rabi Shimon bar Yoḥai: It is forbidden for a man to allow his mouth to be filled with laughter” (Piskei HaRid Berachot:31b-32a).

In a similar and even more explicit manner, the Sefer HaRokei’ach writes, “UMah SheShovrin Klei Zechuchit BeNisu’in, Lefi SheNe’emar ‘Ivdu Et Hashem BeYir’ah VeGilu BeR’adah’ – BeMakom Gilah, SHam Tehei Re’adah,” “And that which we are accustomed to do in breaking a glass vessel at a marriage ceremony, this is because it is said, “Serve Hashem with awe and rejoice before Him with trembling” – wherever there is joy, there also ought to be trembling” (Seifer HaRokei’ach Hilchot Eirusin VeNisu’in Siman 353). The Shitah MiKubetzet also goes out of his way to link the Minhag to break the glass with moderation of joy, and even explicitly rejects the possibility that the notion of moderation of joy as discussed in our Sugya is related to the concept of Aveilut over the Churban: “Assur Le’Adam SheYemalei Schok Piv Ba’Olam HaZeh. Ein HaTa’am She’Asur MiShum Aveilut HaChurban, Ela MiShum SheLo Yitgabeir Yitzro Alav Mitoch HaSchok,” “It is forbidden for a person to ever allow his mouth to fill with laughter in this world. The reason for this prohibition is not due to mourning over the destruction of the Temple, but so that one’s inclination does not overpower him on account of the laughter” (Shitah Mikubetzet, Berachot 31a, S.V. Assur Le’Adam SheYemalei Schok Piv Ba’Olam HaZeh). Finally, in perhaps the most explicit expression of connecting this custom with a general imperative to moderate joy, the Me’iri formulates the Minhag of breaking a glass in contexts of great joy in terms so general as not to limit its performance to the circumstance of a wedding: “Simcha SheBenei Adam Semeichim Le’Eizo Davar Simchah SheBa’ah  LeYadam, Ra’ui LaHem SheLo Lehishtakei’a Bah VeSheLo Leharbot Bah Yoteir MiDai. Ve’Im Harbu BeKach, Ra’ui LaYechidim SheBahem Lehochicham, VeHutar LaHem La’Asot Eizeh Davar SheLo KaRa’ui Kedei Lemno’a Rov Simchatam SheLo Lehishtakei’a Bah Yoteir MiDai, Kegon Shevirat Keilim Na’im VeKaYotzei BaHem MiDevarim HaMe’atzivim,” “At celebrations that people celebrate in honor of any matter of joy which comes upon them, it is appropriate that they not become engrossed in it and engage in it too much. And if people celebrate too much, it is appropriate that individuals among them chastise them, and it is permissible for them to do something shocking in order to dispel the glut of their joy such that they do not indulge in it too much, such as the breaking of fine vessels and things of the like which bring about sobriety” (Beit HaBechirah, Berachot:30b).

As prefaced above, even if we link the Minhag to break a glass at a wedding to the theme of appropriate behavior in context of demonstrating joy, it is possible to understand this link as either dependent on or independent from the existence of the Beit HaMikdash. In this respect, some Rishonim take things even further and go out of their way to address the relatedness of this Minhag to the Churban HaBayit. For example, the Re’ah interprets that the context of Rabah’s teaching is limited to the time of the Galut, seeing as “KeSheYivaneh Beit HaMikdash BeMheirah BeYameinu… Tu Leka Chashasha DeYeitzer HaRa KeDeChtiv ‘ Ki Mal’ah Ha’Aretz Dei’ah Et Hashem,’” “when the Temple is rebuilt speedily in our days … there will no longer be concern for the evil inclination, as it is written, ‘For the earth will become filled with knowledge of Hashem’” (Pekudat HaLevi’im, Berachot:30b-31a) The Shitah Mikubetzet agrees with the Re’ah, writing that “LeYmot HaMashi’ach DeLeka Yeitzer HaRa Leka LeMeichash,” “in the days of the messiah, when there will be no longer any evil inclination, we need not be concerned about this any longer” (Shitah Mikubetzet, Berachot 31a, S.V. Assur Le’Adam SheYemalei Schok Piv Ba’Olam HaZeh). The Me’iri similarly writes that even though in general “Im Hayah Samei’ach LeKiyum Mitzvah SheBa’ah LeYado, Ein BeKach Klum,” “if one is happy due to the opportunity of keeping a mitzvah that came to his hands, there is no problem with this,” nonetheless: “Achar Churban, Tzarich SheLo Leharbot BeSimcha Af LeDvar Mitzvah, VeHu She’Amru ‘Assur Le’Adam SheYemalei Schok Piv Ba’Olam HaZeh,’ Rotzeh Lomar Ad SheYavo Zman HaMashi’ach; Remez LeDavar, ‘Im Lo A’aleh Et Yerushalayim Al Rosh Simchati,’” “Even so, after the destruction of the Temple, one must not engage excessively in joy even for the sake of a mitzvah, and this is the point of what was said, “It is forbidden for a man to allow his mouth to be filled with laughter in this world,” meaning, until the arrival of the era of the messiah; and a hint to this matter is the verse, ‘if I do not raise thee, O Jerusalem, above the height of my joy,’” (Beit HaBechirah Berachot:30b). 

Contrary to these Shitot, the Talmidei Rabbeinu Yonah interpret that it cannot be “SheTa’am MiPnei Churban Beit HaMikdash,” “that the reason of [Rabi Shim’on bar Yochai’s teaching] is because of the destruction in the Temple,” for indeed: “Im Kein, Lo Hayah Lo Lomar ‘Ba’Olam HaZeh,’ Ela ‘MiSheCharav Beit HaMikdash Assur Le’Adam SheYemalei Schok Piv, Vechulei’! UMiDeLo Amar Hachi, Sham’inan She’Eino Talui BeChurban – Ela, Afilu BeZman Beit HaMikdash Amar SheAssur Lemal’ot Schok Piv Ba’Olam HaZeh BeShum Inyan, SheHaSimchah Margilah Et He’Adam SheYishkach HaMitzvah,” “If so, [Rabbi Shimon bar Yoḥai] needn’t have said “in this world,” but rather, “from the time that the Holy Temple was destroyed, it is forbidden for a person to allow his mouth to fill with laughter, etc.”! And from the fact that he did not say this, we learn that [Rabi Shimon bar Yoḥai’s teaching] is not dependent upon the destruction of the Temple—rather, even during the time of the Holy Temple did he say that it is forbidden to allow one’s mouth to fill with laughter under any circumstance, for joy accustoms a person to forget the commandments” (Dapei HaRif Berachot:21a-21b S.V. Assur Le’Adam SheYemalei Schok Piv Ba’Olam HaZeh).

Several Nafka Minah emerge between these various approaches. First of all, there is a Nafka Minah between the Shitah of the Talmidei Rabbeinu Yonah and all of the other Shitot as to whether it makes sense to practice the Minhag to break a glass at a wedding even after the Bi’at HaMashi’ach, or alternatively whether after the Mashi’ach comes BeMheirah BeYameinu we will no longer practice this Minhag. Whereas the Re’ah, Shitah Mekubetzet, and Me’iri would say that the underlying Chashasha DeYeitzer HaRa motivating this Minhag will no longer exist after the Bi’at HaMashi’ach, the Talmidei Rabbeinu Yonah interpret that the teaching of Rabi Yochanan MiShum R’ Shim’on Ben Yochai is relevant to life in Olam HaZeh generally rather than to a Chashasha DeYeitzer HaRa, and thus would presumably assert the relevance of the resulting Minhag to break a glass at weddings even BeZman HaMashi’ach. Second, we can distinguish as to whether the practice of this Minhag depends merely on the present nonexistence of a Beit HaMikdash or specifically on the continued waiting for the Bi’ah HaGe’ulah HaSheleimah. In this respect, a Nafka Minah would emerge between the Shitah of the Me’iri and the Shitot of the Re’ah and Shitah Mekubetzet as to whether the Minhag to break a glass at weddings would have been relevant even before the destruction of the first and second Batei Mikdash. According to the Re’ah and Shitah Mekubetzet, the underlying Inyan of this Minhag is relevant Ba’Olam HaZeh so long as the Ge’ulah HaSheleimah has not yet arrived during which nature itself will be changed such that there will no longer be a draw to the Yeitzer HaRa, and thus the practice of this Minhag would have been relevant during the time of the Batei Mikdash of old just as it is for us today in Galut. According to the Me’iri, however, the imperative “SheLo Leharbot BeSimcha Af LeDvar Mitzvah”, “not to engage excessively in joy even for the sake of a mitzvah,” is dependent not on the persistence of the draw of the Yeitxer HaRa, but on the fact that we do not presently have a Beit HaMikdash—for so long as a Beit HaMikdash stands, the Halachah is that “Im Hayah Samei’ach LeKiyum Mitzvah SheBa’ah LeYado, Ein BeKach Klum,” “if one is happy due to the opportunity of keeping a mitzvah that came to his hands, there is no problem with this.” Despite these differences, all of these Rishonim are united in understanding that the Minhag of breaking a glass at weddings is part of a general, moral-halakhic framework of Hitmatnut HaSimchah and Shlitah Atzmit, moderation of joy and self-control.