2020/5781

Rivkah was most likely not three years old when she married Yitzchak. Avraham sent Eliezer to find a wife for Yitzchak after Sarah’s death, at the age of 127. Rivkah, her great niece (or niece, depending on whether or not Sarah is Haran’s daughter Yiskah), was probably not 124 years younger than her great aunt. Besides, three year olds are not known for their prowess at heavy lifting, which makes all of Rivkah’s carrying in Parashat Chayei Sarah pretty surprising. And she is described as “Betulah, Ve’Ish Lo Yeda’ah,” not exactly an accomplishment for a three year old.

Yet Rashi (BeReishit 25:20 s.v. Ben Arbaim Shanah, quoting BeReishit Rabbah) writes that Yitzchak married Rivkah when she was three. How do we understand this?

Rashi gives his own rationale. Avraham receives the news of Rivkah’s birth and Sarah’s death after Akeidat Yitzchak. Rashi assumes that Rivkah was born, and Sarah died, right after the Akeidah; based on this, explains that Yitzchak waited three years so that Rivkah would be fit for relations. However, although Sarah died after Akeidat Yitzchak, it is unclear that it was right after. Rivkah was also probably born before Akeidat Yitzchak, though Avraham was only informed of this after the Akeida. This is bolstered by the fact that Avraham learns of the birth of Rivkah’s father at the very same time he learns of hers (BeReishit 22:22-23). Finally, as we said before, three is not an age for intimacy. So, after all that, we’re back we started, scratching our heads at Rashi’s comment, no closer to understanding why, exactly, he says Rivkah was three.

We may have a way out yet. Let’s take a closer look at Rashi’s most surprising comment. Yitzchak had to wait three years so that he could be intimate with Rivkah. When we get over our dumbfoundment, we can examine this Rashi on a deeper level and finally get to the bottom of this mystery. On its most basic level, this Rashi is an expression of a Halachic principle: “A girl who is three years old may be betrothed through Bi’ah” (Niddah 44b). Three years old was the earliest possible time Yitzchak could marry Rivkah, so, read non-literally, Rashi indicates that Yitzchak married Rivkah at the first opportunity.

Avraham was a trailblazer, creating new paths and upending old ideals. Yitzchak, however, followed the paths his father set, maintaining the trails his father blazed. One of his life’s defining moments, the Akeidah, was primarily a test for his father, and from there he continued in his father’s footsteps. Just like Avraham, he and Rivkah had trouble childbearing. Just like Avraham, he and Rivkah gave birth to two nations. Just like Avraham, he travelled to the land of the Pelishtim during a famine, and just like Avraham, he tells the king that his wife is really his sister. Yitzchak even redigs his father’s wells, showing an active interest in maintaining his father’s legacy. Arguably, Yitzchak’s boldest move in the entire Parashah is digging his own three wells, pedestrian in comparison to Avraham’s revolution.

With that in mind, we can understand the focus on Rivkah being three. Of course Yitzchak wanted to marry as soon as possible: his job was to maintain the status quo that Avraham created. When Sarah died, the balance was upset. As Rashi (BeReishit 24:67 s.v. HaOhelah Sarah Imo) says, “He brought her to the tent, and behold, she was Sarah his mother; i.e., she became the likeness of Sarah his mother, for as long as Sarah was alive, a candle burned from one Sabbath eve to the next, a blessing was found in the dough, and a cloud was attached to the tent. When she died, these things ceased, and when Rebecca arrived, they resumed.” Yitzchak’s life was dedicated to keeping Avraham’s work alive, and this included maintaining domestic life as it existed under Avraham and Sarah. Only when he ensured, by marrying Rivkah, that the dream would continue, was he “comforted for the loss of his mother” (ibid). How could Yitzchak be at peace, knowing part of his father’s legacy had gone dim?