2020/5781
Over the past few months I have watched more sports than usual. After months without sports, it seems like every week a new sport was starting up. I started to ask myself , “Why do people enjoy sports so much? Why do their nights revolve around sports?” I think the answer has to do with how we see ourselves in sports. Every game is a battle, a new challenge between teams—for the teams, every game matters. And similarly for us, every day is a battle and a challenge, and we battle everyday. Some battles are spiritual, like going to Minyan, speaking Lashon Hara, and Shemirat Einayim; others are physical, like dieting and working out.
Elul is an interesting time because it is a sort of mix between the playoffs and the pre-season. In some ways, we have had all year, and now we are using Elul to reflect on our failures and our successes. On the other hand, it is kind of like the pre-season where we have goals and are thinking who we want to be by this time next year; what can we change and how.
Viduy, the confession of our sins that we say for a week before Rosh HaShanah, during the Aseret Yemei Teshuva, and ultimately on Yom Kippur, exemplifies this balance between reflecting on the past and setting goals for the future.
Viduy begins with us stating that we sinned and admitting that we and our forefathers sin. Here is the first acknowledgment that we are not perfect and that we have to work on ourselves. We then say “Ashamnu Bagadnu…” listing all the individual, specific ways in which we have failed. And finally, that we have turned against You and Your commandments, but You are great and have stayed with us. Here we say, “yes we were not great, but through it all, You, HaKadosh Baruch Hu, have stayed with us.” This is certainly a serious and sobering Tefillah, in which we admit all of what we have done wrong.
We say Viduy every year, and yet it does not really make any sense. No matter what, we will still be saying Viduy, whether we have a great year or a terrible year, at this time next year. How do we keep up the motivation when we are doomed to fail? I think the answer could be learned from Rav Eitan Katz, who gave a beautiful lesson during his most recent visit to TABC. He explained that in much of the Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur davening, most of the written in a minor key and have a sad melody. But Viduy has a very dreamy and positive melody; it makes no sense. Rav Katz explained that the reason we use this positive tune is to remind us how much Hashem loves us. And, if Hashem loves us when we admit our wrong-doings and show how vulnerable we are, imagine how much He loves us and wants us to do Teshuva in any situation.
As we go into this new year and exit the last one, we should understand that we are not expected to become Tzadikim or Gedolim overnight. Rather, it will take time and effort and go one step at a time, and eventually we will end up in a very holy place. If we all put in the effort to become a little better in all the avenues of our lives, then hopefully by next year we will be even prouder and more excited about ourselves.